Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Dear Draft Diary...

So this little thing called the NFL Draft happened this weekend and if you have never experienced the first day of the NFL draft, well your in for a real treat. The draft is probably the most amazing, wonderful, sick, illest, most boring, annoying sporting event to possibly watch. There is so many ups and downs and nothing is certain....unless your Matthew Stafford. So I'm going to give you a run down of what My boy Joe and my Saturday was like. All you females out there...pay attention closely...this way you know never to participate in one of these....

12:00 PM EST: I had work on my ice cream truck from 11-1:45ish. It was hot. It was annoying to deal with the same little kids every 5 minutes, but hey....brotha's gotta make money.

2:00 PM EST: I decide to go for a little pre-draft workout, decide to get a nice 2 mile run in...nothing major just gotta get a little warmed up for the fantastical fun that's about to take place in a few hours. (Yup, I said fantastical....AND it didn't even show up on my spellcheck)

2:05 PM EST: Walk outside and realize I don't want to run....AT ALL...go back inside and start planning out what I'm going to buy at WaWa on my way to my boy Joe's. Also begin to play the new UFC game for XBOX 360.....so ill.

3:00 PM EST: Fed up with the UFC game because Chuck Lidell is absolutely housing me because all I'm doing is button mashing and can't land any real combos, I decide to shut the game off and get my draft attire on.................t-shirt and shorts.

3:30 PM EST: I arrive at WaWa to get some football food for myself and the boys. As I scour through WaWa I realize that the selection is limited as far as hamburgers and hot dogs and wings and every other possible football food you can think of. I spot one last Hot Dog package in the way corner....scooped that up real quick. Got the rolls. Decided since it's been a while, I'll get my all time favorite drink.....WaWa Lemonade Tea.

3:52 PM EST: I arrive at Joe's and you can just sense the drama in the air that is about to take place. No Parents around so we can curse and scream all we want at the picks. No siblings around so they can't ask us a million questions. Just us, the TV, and 8 hours of wasted time.....Gonna be sick.

Now here is a disclaimer before you keep on reading. I, obviously, am a die hard Dallas Cowboys fan and we don't have a pick until the 2nd round, so my day is F'ed from the beginning. However, Joe's favorite team, the New York Jets, has been the topic of conversation this week as there are zillions of trade rumors going around. So as you could imagine, Joe's a bit on edge.

4:02 PM EST: Detroit Lions are on the clock.

4:03 PM EST: Detroit Lions selected Matthew Stafford the night before. Which is always interesting to me. Why even have a clock for the first team? They seem to get signed the night before anyway.

4:05 PM EST: Rams are on the clock and Joe is already going into cardiac arrest. Easy Joe, it's only the 2nd pick, there's still hope Sanchez will be there at 17......orrrrrrrr not.

4:25 PM EST: Rams selected Jason Smith, and the Chiefs reached and grabbed Tyson Jackson. Now Seattle is on the clock and Joe is in full-on, "I'm gonna flip shit if Seattle drafts Sanchez" mode.

4:33 PM EST: Tick Tock Tick Tock....Joe is beside himself. With the 4th pick in the 2009 NFL Draft...the Seattle Seahawks draft.............(Joe screaming "Comon Baby!") Aaron Curry. Joe: " YESSSSSSS, YESSSSSS, THANK YOU GOD" Can you see where this is going?

This is right around where all hell is about to break loose....

4:43 PM EST: Cleveland has been on the clock for about 8 minutes now and rumors all week were that they wanted to select Mark Sanchez or Michael Crabtree. Meanwhile, Joe and I are going through possible scenarios where the Jets could move to 8 if Sanchez falls, but it's an extreme long shot because it depends on what Cleveland does.

4:44 PM EST: 1 minute left and we're pretty convinced Cleveland is not trading the pick.

4:45 PM EST: Joe went in to the kitchen for a second to get some pretzels probably, and we were kinda getting bored waiting for Cleveland.....a conversation struck up, completely irrelevant to what was happening on the TV....it was probably about getting Joe's boat in the water or something completely useless. Just as this was happening I spotted something out of the corner of my eye....on the bottom left of the TV a big square with the letters....T.R.A.D.E. popped up. At first I kind of glanced at it funny....didn't really know how to interrupt this incredible boating story, so I basically just screamed the word "TRADEEE!!!!!!"......3 second pause...."TO THE JETSSSSSSSS"...

4:46 PM EST: In about 1.9 seconds of elapsed time, Joe somehow made it from his chair into the kitchen in about 1 step, and did some sort of swinging motion with his hands....I don't know what that was. As Joe is in the kitchen flipping shit with Ryan, I'm trying to see what the hell just happened. It was obvious the Jets were now going to draft Mark Sanchez. WOW. The Jets have a quarterback. Lost in this mess was Joe's initial reaction....which I'm sure looked like this............. :-O .................Joe was so excited and beside himself (I like that term) that he didn't even get to see Sanchez get picked. We knew that from this point on, it was going to be a ridiculous day.

5:00 PM EST: Settling down from all this excitement, I sit back down, Joe regains consciousness and we're good to go. Meanwhile I'm getting texts from my cousin about how the Jets are going to the SuperBowl....easy Jet fans...this isn't Brett Favre.

5:30 PM EST: Still stunned over the days events, Oakland decides they're going to give us something to talk about for the next hour. They draft Darius Heyward-Bey. WHAT? Al Davis please just sell the team....no literally sell them. I don't care if you use Craigslist, Ebay, Facebook, Twitter, or you sell it at a freaking flea market. What the hell is this guy thinking? I mean seriously he's has to be the dumbest man in the NFL. My 12 year old brother knew to pick Michael Crabtree instead of him. At least Jeremy Maclin. My god Al.

6:30 PM EST: Cleveland is up with the pick that they got from the Jets....and they trade down again. I sense a theme here

6:45 PM EST: Joe's girlfriend arrives. Note to all girls/girlfriends: Stay far away from the NFL draft. Just trust me...it's worse than sitting through the games for you guys.

6:50 PM EST: Cleveland trades down again. Mangenius is off to a great start with that franchise....SIKE

7:00 PM EST: We decide that enough is enough. We need a break. So we go out in the back and get on the trampoline to play a little SlamBall. For those of you who don;t know what Slamball is.....shame on you. But here's a nice little video to show you the most amazing sport ever created. We decided to play 21 and it is probably the most fun game to ever play. Flying 10 feet in the air to block shots and dunk....you can't beat that.

7:15 PM EST: Im periodically checking to see when my boy Donnie Brown is going to get drafted. I peak in and see him smiling and clapping his hands. I leap off the trampoline to go inside to see him get drafted. Congratulations Donnie...You deserve it. Wait you're going to get hand offs from Peyton Manning? That's normal. Most people get to do that.

8:30 PM EST: Joe, his girl, and Ryan really have no other reason to watch the draft because their teams are done drafting. However I make them sit and watch the draft with me because I said so.

9:30 PM EST: Cowboys are on the clock. 5 seconds left on the clock. What the hell are we doing? No we didn-...We Passed?!?!?!?! WHAT?!

9:32 PM EST: Wait hold on...phew...we traded. Jesus Christ I thought we passed the pick.

10:00 PM EST: After about 6 hours of watching the draft, chillen having a good time with all this excitement. It's slowly starting to set in that I watched 6 hours of draft activity and my team did not one thing. Probably has to be the most annoying thing I've ever had to experience. I mean seriously Jerry, comon just give me a little something on day 1. That's what we get for being Cowboys fans.

At least the hot dogs and Lemonade Tea were good though....

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