Oh Thank the Lord for the National Football league. That's what my title stands for if you had trouble interpreting. I realize that may be corny and it may turn some of you away right out of the gate, but I have no other words to describe the utter joy and happiness that I am experiencing now that the NFL is under way and 1 week is in the books.
This weekend was like Christmas day, only it was 85 and Sunny and there were no tangible presents being distributed. However, in order to give you the full experience of the day, I felt that I should give you one of my world famous running diaries. And in the words of the ever-so-witty Bill Simmons, this is what transpired...
9:00 AM EST: I hoppppppppeeeddddd up out the beddddddddd...turn my swaggggg- alright thats enough. But you get the idea. You know when you wake up as easy as riding a bike is....it's going to be a good day.
9:30 AM EST: Driver and Pitching Wedge in hand, and I'm off to a little morning Driving range session with my boy Joe. For some reason, Sunday Mornings are so much easier to do anything that involves you being an athlete. It's very relaxing.
10:02 AM EST: Buckets purchased, tees set up, and the first ball goes off the back of the 200 yard net. Oh the Joy of whacking balls, golf balls that is.
10:15 AM EST: Joe and I now planning out the day leading up until the 1:00 PM start times. This is what we came up with:
- 10:00-11:00 Golf
- 11:00-11:45 Tossing the the old Pigskin around on Highway Lagoon (more on this later)
- 12:00-1:00 Sunday NFL Countdown, talking fantasy, setting lineups, and placing bets that have 75-1 odds of happening (MUCH MORE on this later
11:45 AM EST: After downing the WaWa, a 15-minute relaxation period, a 10 minute speech on how Mark Sanchez is the best QB in the NFL from Joe and my cousin (just arrived) it's out to the street to throw the football.
Now if you've never been on Joe's street, and I'm guessing 100% of you haven't. You should know that it's on a Lagoon and it contains a cold-a-sac (<---I'm not even spell checking that word). So in theory you would think that there would be no cars coming up or down and we would have the street to ourselves. Now, for some unforeseeable reason, EVERY SINGLE TIME we go out to play a sport, there is always a minimum of 20 cars that drive by. It's unbelievable. And the worst part is, it's un-solvable, kind of like global warming. I swear next time we are going to buy Road Closed signs. Now you know why we have dubbed his street, Highway Lagoon. I digress....
12:30 PM EST: We got alllll sorts of parents roaming the living room so it's very hard to place illegal bets down when you got rents' all over your case. But me being the experienced veteran, I get it done. Just for the record this was my bet: $5.00 to win $350.00
- GB -4
- Minn -4.5
- Broncos - WIN
- Dallas - 6.5
- Philly -2.5
- Seattle -7
12:59 PM EST: Just barely get the fantasy lineup set. It's at this point that I think that I'm OK for this week. I'm playing my Uncle who was 2-766 last year and has only one year of fantasy experience under his belt. Little did I know this would not turn out well....
1:15 PM EST: Kind of a slow start for the games but all of sudden Mark Sanchez completes his first pass anddd......THE JETS WON THE SUPERBOWL!!!! Jet's fans never cease to amaze me. They need a ring so bad, even worse than Eli Manning needs a receiver.
1:45 PM EST: Ummmmm. Carolina are you alive? I thought at first there was a mistake on my fantasy screen. I'm playing against the Eagles Defense and they have 27 points. IT'S NOT EVEN THE SECOND HALF!! I swear to god if this is how I lose week 1 in fantasy I'm going to lose my mind.
2:15 PM EST: Cowboys using all three running backs on the first couple series'. Love it. However, kind of a sluggish start for the Boys'. Adrian Peterson is a freak of nature, and that's an understatement. He might finish with 200.
2:30 PM EST: Halftime of the first half games. The Jets (gulp) are up 10-0 at half AT Houston. Cowboys lead, Vikings lead, Denver leads, and Philly is up 31-10. The stars may be aligning here.
2:45 PM EST: Just want to check in and let you know that the Eagles have now scored 33, I repeat 33 FANTASY POINTS!!! Jake Delhomme, just go home, don't ever return to the NFL. I'm down 88.36 - 24.45. I'm the two time defending champ. WOW.
3:15 PM EST: I may be conceding defeat in Week 1 of fantasy. Plus my cousin and Joe are dishing it to me because I'm getting shellacked. Great, I can feel the day starting to turn for the worse.
3:45 PM EST: I can't believe the Bengals are about to ruin my bet. Denver leading the whole game 6-0 and the Bengals are about to go in.
And they're in. It's at this moment in time that I decided to use a few choice words that are not appropriate for publication. But it rhymed with, gluck you Cincinatti, and gluck Ochocinco because he's a Glucking glassbowl, I can't believe I'm going to glucking lose on a pullship play.
..Something like that.
3:48 PM EST: We switch back to the Jets game because we see that Denver basically lost......then I turned to my computer and saw that Denver was up 12-7. I said nah, that's impossible...it must be a mistake...
......and then we saw it.......
.....the MIRACLE PLAY OF WEEK 1.....
Kyle Orton drops back...throws a bomb to Brandon Marshal.l only to be tipped by a defender, and scooped out of the air like he was catching a bouquet, by Brandon Stokeley, for an 80 yard Touchdown. OH MY GOD....I can not believe that just happened. I retract my previous statement about the Bengals...I love them!
4:00 PM EST: Time to wrap up shop and head to my Grandparents for a birthday celebration. Eagles scored 43 Fantasy points against me. Sick. Cowboys win, jets win, Broncos win, Eagles win, Vikings win, Drew Brees throws 6 TDs. Now I just need Aaron Rodgers to throw 7 TDs tonight and Seattle to cover and I'll in fantasy and win my bet that I placed. Back later
8:30 PM EST: I return after a glorious day of football, all the stars are aligning for this game here. I'm down 50 in fantasy and need GB to cover 4 and I'll win. Not to mention I have Aaron Rodgers and Greg Jennings in fantasy. Let's go.
9:00 PM EST: Very Very boring first quarter. Please god get better quick or else I'm going to have to watch the VMAs instead of just flipping for when Beyonce comes out half naked.
9:30 PM EST: Everyone's Facebook status is about Kanye West interrupting Taylor Swift. Does anyone know there's football on.
9:45 PM EST: OK now there is a legit reason to not watch 10 minutes of the game. Beyonce just came out in a half bathing suit, half - nothing ensemble. This isn't fair. It's like watching your best fantasy player getting down to the 1 yard line and not getting in EVERY TIME (Deangelo cough). That's how I feel about Beyonce. You feel like you can just get so close but you know you will NEVER EVER EVER in your life have her. I digress.
10:30 PM EST: Aaron Rodgers is going to ruin my day. Ruin fantasy and ruin the bet. What a B.T.J.F. Big Time Jerk Face
11:30 PM EST: Now Green bay loses the lead and the cover. Jesus Christ. The only hope I have now is that Green Bay some how comes up with a miracle play in which they go for the TD instead of settling for the game winning field goal.
11:42 PM EST: AND IT HAPPENED!!! Rodgers to Jennings!!!!! and the 2PT conversion for the cover!!! Oh I LOVE THE NFL. Who cares about Fantasy when you win $350.00 opening weekend.
And on a final note.....OH THANK THE LORD FOR THE NFL!!!!!